How our emotions work
The Brain
Limbic System
|
Prefrontal Cortex
|
Brain Research:
Our sense of self becomes defined by the contingent ways in which we connect with others. Our brains are structured to be connected to other brains. Collaborative communication involves the spontaneous connection of each side of the brain to that of the other person as we share signals in both the verbal (left) and nonverbal (right) domains. This dance of communication not only enables us to feel close and connected to others but also allows our minds to feel coherent and in balance. Out sense of “I” is profoundly influenced by how we belong to a “we”.
- An excerpt from Parenting From the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel, M.D. and Mary Hartzell, M. Ed.
Brain Research:
“Adults remain social animals: they continue to require a source of stabilisation outside of themselves. …. That means that in some important ways, people cannet be stable on their own…”
- Excerpt from A General Theory of Love by Thomas Lewis, M.D. Fari Amini, M.D. and Richard Lannon M.D.
Connection
Connecting with one another promotes a healthy emotional well being.
Restimulation – A Flash of Emotions
Past hurts, trials and tribulations. Especially childhood ones. These are called left-over and unresolved issues. They happened and weren’t expressed, “let go of” or “healed” when they happened. They are stored as feelings in the limbic system but in a sense have been packed away.
When we experience restimulation of this stored feeling is appears as a flash of emotions – sadness, anger, frustration – the situation you are in has triggered childhood/past feelings. We actually don’t feel like we are remembering anything. It always looks like someone has made you upset and it feels like it is their fault. So we “lose it” or place blame on the other person or we don’t have patience with them.
Brain Research:
Issues that are rooted in our past impact our present reality and directly affect the way we experience and interact with others. (This is from Parenting From the Inside Out, I have replaced the reference to children to others to make it general).
Sometimes we can figure out what memory these feelings are coming from. Other times we can’t, it is just a feeling that comes up, is triggered, when a situation happens.
Brain Research:
“Unresolved issues are similar to leftover issues, but they are more extreme, involving a more disorganising influence on both our internal lives and our interpersonal relationships. Experiences that were profoundly overwhelming and may have involved a deep sense of helplessness, despair, loss, terror and perhaps betrayal are often at the root of unresolved conditions.” (Parenting From the Inside Out)
Hurts that we can’t remember can be healed too. This process can take a while especially when the hurts go deep.
Being able to connect with someone and share experiences, laugh or cry, together, helps release stored feelings of hurt.
So when restimulation happens the limbic system is disconnected and not working with the prefrontal cortex. So all the great things the prefrontal cortex does are not working write now.
We are not making good decisions, we can’t reason, we can’t listen, we can’t plan properly, we can’t control ourselves properly, we can’t remember things properly.
Who has experienced:
It is also where the excuses pop into our minds. It isn’t good judgment on our part to make a lame excuse to get out of our obligations to Allah, or to justify continuing to do the wrong thing. This is the connection to last week’s project.
These are symptoms of the disconnection you are experiencing. We need to feel connection to help reconnect our brains so we can function well again.
So when you have feelings like this, find someone you trust to connect with. That the time to reconnect yourself. Realise that you need time for you. We cannot be good at what we do, whether that is being a mother, a teacher, an employee, wife, daughter, sister, friend when we are disconnected and off track.
So this class is to develop an awareness of our own selves. For us to reflect and own our own feelings and not send the blame elsewhere.
Here’s why it is important
Rancour in the Heart
Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The gates of Paradise are not opened but on two days, Monday and Thursday. and then every servant (of Allah) is granted pardon who does not associate anything with Allah except the person in whose (heart) there is rancour against his brother. And it would be said: Look towards both of them until there is reconciliation; look toward both of them until there is reconciliation; look towards both of them until there is reconciliation. Muslim
Justice to others
"Allah enjoins justice and kindness, and giving to kinfolk, and forbids indecency and abomination and wickedness". (An-Nahl,16:90)
"Allah orders that you return trusts to their owners and that if you judge among people, you judge justly". (An-Nisa4:58)
And do not let hatred of any people dissuade you from dealing justly. Deal justly, for that closer to God-consciousness." (Al-Ma'idah,5:9)
Behaviour
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "Do not be people without minds of your own, saying that if others treat you well you will treat them well, and that if they do wrong you will do wrong. Instead, accustom yourselves to do good if people do good and not to do wrong if they do evil." - Al-Tirmidhi
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "Shake hands and rancor will disappear. Give presents to each other and love each other and enmity will disappear." - Malik's Al-Muwatta
Anger
Narated By Abu Huraira : A man said to the Prophet , “Advise me! “The Prophet said, “Do not become angry and furious.” The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, “Do not become angry and furious.” Bukhari
Sincerity
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but rather He looks at your hearts and actions.” Muslim
Our sense of self becomes defined by the contingent ways in which we connect with others. Our brains are structured to be connected to other brains. Collaborative communication involves the spontaneous connection of each side of the brain to that of the other person as we share signals in both the verbal (left) and nonverbal (right) domains. This dance of communication not only enables us to feel close and connected to others but also allows our minds to feel coherent and in balance. Out sense of “I” is profoundly influenced by how we belong to a “we”.
- An excerpt from Parenting From the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel, M.D. and Mary Hartzell, M. Ed.
Brain Research:
“Adults remain social animals: they continue to require a source of stabilisation outside of themselves. …. That means that in some important ways, people cannet be stable on their own…”
- Excerpt from A General Theory of Love by Thomas Lewis, M.D. Fari Amini, M.D. and Richard Lannon M.D.
Connection
Connecting with one another promotes a healthy emotional well being.
Restimulation – A Flash of Emotions
Past hurts, trials and tribulations. Especially childhood ones. These are called left-over and unresolved issues. They happened and weren’t expressed, “let go of” or “healed” when they happened. They are stored as feelings in the limbic system but in a sense have been packed away.
When we experience restimulation of this stored feeling is appears as a flash of emotions – sadness, anger, frustration – the situation you are in has triggered childhood/past feelings. We actually don’t feel like we are remembering anything. It always looks like someone has made you upset and it feels like it is their fault. So we “lose it” or place blame on the other person or we don’t have patience with them.
Brain Research:
Issues that are rooted in our past impact our present reality and directly affect the way we experience and interact with others. (This is from Parenting From the Inside Out, I have replaced the reference to children to others to make it general).
Sometimes we can figure out what memory these feelings are coming from. Other times we can’t, it is just a feeling that comes up, is triggered, when a situation happens.
Brain Research:
“Unresolved issues are similar to leftover issues, but they are more extreme, involving a more disorganising influence on both our internal lives and our interpersonal relationships. Experiences that were profoundly overwhelming and may have involved a deep sense of helplessness, despair, loss, terror and perhaps betrayal are often at the root of unresolved conditions.” (Parenting From the Inside Out)
Hurts that we can’t remember can be healed too. This process can take a while especially when the hurts go deep.
Being able to connect with someone and share experiences, laugh or cry, together, helps release stored feelings of hurt.
So when restimulation happens the limbic system is disconnected and not working with the prefrontal cortex. So all the great things the prefrontal cortex does are not working write now.
We are not making good decisions, we can’t reason, we can’t listen, we can’t plan properly, we can’t control ourselves properly, we can’t remember things properly.
Who has experienced:
- Being angry and doing something or saying something that you regret and would never have done normally?
- Been sad or depressed or stressed and find it hard to remember things, like what to buy at the shops?
- Found themselves arguing with everyone of the smallest thing when normally you wouldn’t be argumentative?
- Being snappy, judgmental, blaming others, depressed, angry all the time, irritable ….
It is also where the excuses pop into our minds. It isn’t good judgment on our part to make a lame excuse to get out of our obligations to Allah, or to justify continuing to do the wrong thing. This is the connection to last week’s project.
These are symptoms of the disconnection you are experiencing. We need to feel connection to help reconnect our brains so we can function well again.
So when you have feelings like this, find someone you trust to connect with. That the time to reconnect yourself. Realise that you need time for you. We cannot be good at what we do, whether that is being a mother, a teacher, an employee, wife, daughter, sister, friend when we are disconnected and off track.
So this class is to develop an awareness of our own selves. For us to reflect and own our own feelings and not send the blame elsewhere.
Here’s why it is important
Rancour in the Heart
Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The gates of Paradise are not opened but on two days, Monday and Thursday. and then every servant (of Allah) is granted pardon who does not associate anything with Allah except the person in whose (heart) there is rancour against his brother. And it would be said: Look towards both of them until there is reconciliation; look toward both of them until there is reconciliation; look towards both of them until there is reconciliation. Muslim
Justice to others
"Allah enjoins justice and kindness, and giving to kinfolk, and forbids indecency and abomination and wickedness". (An-Nahl,16:90)
"Allah orders that you return trusts to their owners and that if you judge among people, you judge justly". (An-Nisa4:58)
And do not let hatred of any people dissuade you from dealing justly. Deal justly, for that closer to God-consciousness." (Al-Ma'idah,5:9)
Behaviour
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "Do not be people without minds of your own, saying that if others treat you well you will treat them well, and that if they do wrong you will do wrong. Instead, accustom yourselves to do good if people do good and not to do wrong if they do evil." - Al-Tirmidhi
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "Shake hands and rancor will disappear. Give presents to each other and love each other and enmity will disappear." - Malik's Al-Muwatta
Anger
Narated By Abu Huraira : A man said to the Prophet , “Advise me! “The Prophet said, “Do not become angry and furious.” The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, “Do not become angry and furious.” Bukhari
Sincerity
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but rather He looks at your hearts and actions.” Muslim